The 'Dastoor' called 'Acting'

Sarita Dasgupta 

One ‘dastoor’ that I disliked in Tea was the one called ‘Acting’ when the Acting Manager and his family had to move into the Burra Bungalow for the period that the ‘Permanent’ Manager was away on annual leave, which was usually for six weeks. It was inconvenient for all concerned – an intrusion into the home of the Burra Sahab and Memsahab and a real headache for the ‘Acting’ Memsahab (more like a ‘Chowkidar’ Memsahab, I always thought) who had to temporarily run someone else’s home and looking after someone else’s animals and belongings. It was a great responsibility and a daunting prospect.

Where I was concerned, Murphy’s Law was especially true of ‘Actings’. For those who aren’t familiar with it, Murphy’s Law says, “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong!” Anything marked ‘unbreakable’ or which had adorned the same niche for months on end and been dusted by the same servants, would be broken during an ‘Acting’. How that happened is one of Life’s mysteries.

A beloved pet would fall critically ill, or die during an ‘Acting’, leaving the Acting Manager and his wife feeling distinctly guilty, even though they knew it was not their fault, and that they had done all they could for the animal.

I have had the most surreal experiences, involving conversations with poker-faced ‘bagaals’ and extremely dignified Burra Bearers, all related to cows, and specifically their breeding problems. Of course, cows had to come on heat during an ‘Acting’, and the ominous words, “Goroo garam ho gaya,” would be uttered on the very day that no transport was available to take the cow to the bull. If transport was somehow organized, and the animal sent, the well-deserved sigh of relief was cut short by the report that the ‘deed’ hadn’t been done! Either the cow was acting coy for some reason, or the bull was plain uninterested! Try telling your poor, harassed husband that it had all been in vain! Worse, try asking for transport again!

What should have been!

During another ‘Acting’, I had this most confused conversation with a bagaal who said that the driver should be sent to the ‘cement bank’ to get ‘cement’ as … you guessed it… “Goroo garam ho gaya”!! I was totally at sea, trying to connect the cow and the cement when suddenly, the penny dropped. Yes, you’ve guessed again, the conversation was about artificial insemination!

Incidentally, during one ‘Acting’ none of the cows got ‘enceinte’, but the ayah did! (Now, that’s another story!)

I’ve had cows going off their food, cows falling sick just when the vet is unavailable, cows dying for no apparent reason and cows calving at odd hours. I have even played mid-wife to a cow! The glow of satisfaction after this achievement dimmed somewhat when I saw my spotted face in the mirror. Transfixed, I realized I had been royally bitten by midges and mosquitoes during the delivery. 

Bitten!

Any guesses as to what came next? Yes, a visitor was expected for breakfast! I slapped on the Calamine lotion, then washed it off and camouflaged the spots as best as I could. The guest left in rather a hurry. I thought he had a plane to catch, but my husband said the poor man must have escaped to avoid catching what he thought was some infectious disease!

Some Burra Bungalow servants seemed to think that ‘Acting’ time was ‘Acting Up’ time! I have been on tenterhooks on many occasions, because the Burra Bearer would be drunk while serving the meal. Just twenty minutes back, he had been all right, but in the interim, he had nipped across to his quarters just behind the bungalow, and taken a mighty swig!

 His dignified demeanour would be in total contrast to the dangerous angle of the tray, ready to drop everything into the guest’s lap, or the symphony played by the crockery and cutlery as his hands shook with the DTs or whatever! I soon realized that he chewed some kind of strong smelling ‘paan masala’ to mask the reek of the country liquor, so thereafter, whenever that overpowering smell wafted towards me, I was forewarned!

Apart from the usual excuse of family members dying (then coming back to life and dying again!) the reasons the servants thought up for being absent would give a creative writer an inferiority complex! (If only I had noted some of those stories down, I might have been a bestselling author by now!!)

During one ‘Acting’, I had to count the chickens each evening once they returned to the coop, because the cook was in the habit of helping himself whenever he had ‘gotia’. At the rate chickens disappeared, he obviously had an extremely busy social life! Braving the prima donna’s outrage and assurance that his Memsahab wouldn’t mind, I made sure he replaced the chickens.

Then there was the ‘bagaal’ who drank up half the milk and added water to make up the difference. I knew Jersey cows’ milk was thin, but this was ridiculous!

Cow and 'bagaal '

One Burra Bungalow just off the highway had an exceptionally beautiful compound. Early one morning, even before my morning ‘cuppa’, I was aghast to find a group of six strangers, armed with cameras, strolling around and taking photographs, proudly escorted by the mali. One young couple was even posing for rather ‘filmy’ pictures, which was a bit much to take on an empty stomach! (This was before the advent of the ATPSF.) I sent the Bearer to find out what was going on. Apparently, they had been travelling by bus on the highway, when they happened to notice this beautiful garden and decided to break journey to take a closer look!

When I was chased by a gaggle of geese on one occasion, I thanked my lucky stars that I had trained at sprinting in school! I think I even jumped a hurdle or two trying to escape their outstretched necks and open beaks… not to mention their cacophonic honking!

After six years of ‘Actings’, I heaved a sigh of relief when my husband got his billet. After a few years, the Company discontinued the ‘dastoor’ of the Acting Manager moving into the Burra Bungalow, much, I’m sure, to the relief of everyone concerned.

Time gives experiences a different perspective, so several decades later I can look back at those incidents with a sense of humour and share them with a smile…
Meet the writer: Sarita Dasgupta

"As a ‘chai ka baby’ (and grandbaby!) and then a ‘chai ka memsahab’, I sometimes wonder if I have tea running through my veins! 

I have been writing for as long as can remember – not only my reminiscences about life in ‘tea’ but also skits, plays, and short stories. My plays and musicals have been performed by school children in Guwahati, Kolkata and Pune, and my first collection of short stories for children, called Feathered Friends, was published by Amazing Reads (India Book Distributors) in 2016. My Rainbow Reader series of English text books and work books have been selected as the prescribed text for Classes I to IV by the Meghalaya Board of School Education for the 2018-2019 academic session, and I have now started writing another series for the same publisher.

Read more bySarita here:  https://teastorytellers.blogspot.com/search/label/Sarita%20Dasgupta

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