Characters!

by Rajesh Thomas
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is not the result of chance. It is deliberate.
 

To be a successful planter one must be a concoction of unusual things. Firstly, a love for agriculture and a knack to make things grow. Then have a deep biased love for his garden and its inhabitants. Also be a businessman, legal brain and public relations officer.

Little bit mechanically minded to see the engines in his factory run smoothly and the vehicles keep plying on the dirt tracks. A dash of civil engineering to lay a new road or to build a new building. Become fluent in an alien language. To enjoy long stretches of loneliness, solitude, and boredom. And most important of it all to be balanced to take all his power with a grain of salt.

In spite of all the above, the gardens are full of cranks, oddities, and half-brained fanatics. It takes all sorts of characters to make the world and the world of tea is full of them. Here are a few and you are welcome to add to it.

The Rules Man

The Rules Man – A stickler for rules. He is very rigid, and lives in the shadows of the black and white ink of policies and procedures. In his estate, rules dominate and regulations have only one interpretation. Change is not only avoided and feared by him but also ridiculed and scorned. Very fond of Managers and Assistant managers of similar ilk.

The Disciplinarian – To him discipline is everything. His first love was the army and planting was his alternative option. Tries to run the estate like a regiment. Gets very annoyed if things are not kept in a row or when workers do not walk in a single file.

The Brown Sahib – if you close your eyes and talk to him you would be transported to old blighty. Will be immaculately dressed. He will have a fine collection of jackets and blazers; very fond of ties and cravats. Most conversations will start with “in the good ole days “ Sadly a dying breed.

The Hermit – The hermit is the most elusive of managers. The hermit likes to remain isolated from the rest of the estate and hide behind closed doors in the estate office, which is treated as the sanctum sanctorum of the estate with the access normally controlled by the Section officer or the Office Babu, who act as gatekeepers. Normally a very Senior Manager who has been bypassed for promotion to head office and has a few years to his retirement. 

The Spy Master

The Spy Master – A man of intrigue. He plays his cards close to his chest. Has spies all over the estate. Spies mostly will be the estate drivers and watchmen. Each spy will have his regular spot where the manager will meet him on his field rounds. Mainly to keep tabs on the activities of the Assistant Manager and the Senior Staff. But funnily the spymaster will rarely act on the tales carried on to him, as he will rarely have the courage to act on it or have a face to face confrontation. Nowadays his life has been made easier for him after the advent of the mobile phone, he doesn’t have to rely on the bush telegraph, he gets all the gossip straight on his phone before breakfast.

The Henpecked --This manager will be in office till very late in the evening, keeping himself busy with a list of silly tasks for himself and the office staff. While everyone else thinks he is very hardworking, the truth is he is scared to go home. Till a sharp rebuke on the phone from the missus will send him scurrying home.

Can’t take a Decision – Decision-making paralysis is his wont. Can conjure up impossible scenarios before making a decision. Even a making a simple decision stresses him out.

Mister Tough Guy

The Tough Guy - Public school educated, and mostly would have boxed in school. Walks with his chest out and stern face. Workers and Union Leaders are mortally scared of him. Loves a confrontation. Projects the tough guy image at the club bar too. Actually, in most cases, he is a softie at heart.

The Golfer – As he is walking along the rows of tea amidst the pluckers he imagines that he is in the bunker at the fifth hole of the local golf course wielding a sand wedge. The pluckers have seen it all before and turn a blind eye. Common indicators his golf averages fluctuate in correlation to his crop and sale averages. A major variant is a cricketer who practices the forward defense between the withering troughs. A minor variant is the tennis player and the angler.

The Numbers Man

The Numbers Man –To him the world is numbers and spreadsheets are his things. Sits the whole morning in office twisting numbers to prove to Head Office that he is superior to his contemporaries. Specialist in formats. Normally one will find different colors of pens and highlighters on his table, to prove his point on the monthly statements. This type has become more common after the advent of the computer.

The Yes Man – Mostly a talentless manager, whose rise is based upon unquestioning obedience and loyalty to the powers to be. His motto in life is ‘above you God, below you dog'.

The Wiggler – The manager who cannot be pinned down. Any fault is the Assistants Mistake. His daily perspective changes with the flow of the situation. Statements like “I never said that” or “I didn’t mean it like that” are very common, especially when there is a visit by a higher-up.
Changing viewpoints is an everyday occurrence making the rest of the estate unsure of how they should view anything new. Every day is a new day under him.

Epilogue – The inspiration for writing this piece came when I was introduced to a senior army officer at a dinner and when he found out that I was a planter, he had this to say “ I thought I had seen all kinds in the army, till I happened to meet a few planters”.

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My name is Gowri Mohanakrishnan and I'm a tea planter's wife. I started this blog because one of the things that I wouldn't want us to lose in a fast changing world is the tea story - a story always told with great seriousness, no matter how funny - always true (always), maybe a tall tale, long, or short, impossible, scary, funny or exciting but never dull.
 Happy reading! Cheers to the spirit of Indian Tea!

Meet the writer:

  Rajesh Thomas introduces himself:
"A second generation planter. Born and grew up in the planting districts of Southern India. Started my career in the High Ranges and Annamallais Planting Districts for twelve years. Had a stint in Africa for two years. Since 2009 been planting in the Nilgiris.

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Happy reading! Cheers to the spirit of Indian Tea!